I recently was told about a story on the BBC website where local Council leaders have compiled a banned list of the 200 worst uses of jargon. In the light of the current financial climate, I thought it would be interesting to see what language Agencies are using in the war on ‘quiet’ and to give a rough translation to some familiar and not so familiar terms.
‘We’re ticking over’.
Translation – We’re sat watching the money flow out of our bank account and thinking ‘how much longer can we hold on for before we really have to start doing something!?’
‘Relocating to the business hub to be closer in touch with the market pulse’
Translation – We’ve been rattling around in our old office for months after laying off half our staff, the new place is smaller, and considerably cheaper. We haven’t even told anyone there’s limited parking yet, but you are nearer Alis’ Pizza shop which is a bonus so we can lose the vending machine…
‘Optimizing systems and processes’
- Switched off the copier, lunch hour is now half an hour and no facebook in the afternoons.
‘Continued growth’.
We’re dying out here!
‘We’re doing ok’
We’re dying out here!
‘Still got work coming in’
We’re dying out here!
‘Bolstering our team strategicly and creatively’
Translation – The creative director has gone off in a sulk and half the client services team got fed up of the uncertainty of employment and left and we need to fill some desks as we haven’t completely lost our portfolio of clients.
‘Aligning our company needs with the fast changing trends of our market’
Translation – Print has dried up the internet is the new money earner, we’ve slashed our artworking staff and have hurriedly got a web designer in who’s all but calling the shots, not that anyone actually can argue with him as they don’t know what he’s doing half the time.
‘Our new office space is more environmentally friendly’
- We have less people ergo – fewer plug sockets, and less people to complain about the heating being switched off!
